Let’s talk about my Boyfriend and his Hedge Funds

Ever meet that person who you can tell is nice and kind hearted but just doesn’t realize how much no one cares about what they’re talking about and how self centered they sound by rambling on? Yes? Well me too. Today in fact, as on many days but let’s go with today out of convenience and more importantly a still tangible memory to vent off.

Things I know little or nothing about: Romantic Relationships, Nice Cars…or cars altogether, Hedge Funds, Hedge Fund Celebrities, Dates with your boyfriend in White Plains, Dates, anything Hedge Funds, and dates with your boyfriend that works at some hedge fund after he picked you up in his really nice car.

I’m sure it’s obvious where I’m going with this, and yes that’s right I’ve started dating a guy that works at a hedge fund and owns a really nice car. Oh wait, that’s the girl I had the distinct misfortune of conversing with today. I really am happy for you that you’ve found that perfect someone (wealthy) that has all the same values that you do (money) but seriously wasn’t it blatantly obvious when I stopped making eye contact with you that I didn’t really have any interest in hearing more about hedge funds especially the one your boy friend works at. To be clear on how far away I belong from this conversation the first thing I think of when I hear the term hedge fund is that computer animated film Over the Hedge, and the next thing is my time living in Mexico when me and my friends had a hide out in these bushes. Second, the fact that your boyfriend owns a very expensive car (I don’t remember what, something German, a convertible I think) while living and working in the city just makes me think he’s some self important asshole idiot. Why the fuck would you pay that much to not only own a nice car, but store away it for 98% of the time in some ludicrously priced garage to take it out once a month. If that’s not a waste of money then my $25 Carribean Hooker with a wandering eye certainly wasn’t either…but that’s a different story altogether.

The point is, I get it your boyfriend makes a lot of money and you were really happy he spent some of it on you. But to be honest whether or not you intend it to sound this way you’re just coming off as someone desperate to convince others that she’s in a great relationship with some “amazing” guy when in fact all you’re trying to do is convince yourself. I’m not fucking dating this guy, I couldn’t care less if he was the janitor for the janitor’s staff room. However, you sound pretty preoccupied with his monetary income and spending so at least he’s meeting your financial prerequisite for a boyfriend. Maybe it’s just the psychology major in me rearing it’s psychoanalytic head after all of this finance work but honestly I really could’ve gone without that