Out of time or alcohol?

Life moves on; that's one thing I've been learning. No matter how much you might want time to just stop, no matter how much you want to try and absorb the moment, the year, the stage of your life, the innocence of naive untainted youth, your world will move forward and it will drag you with it.

I've been working for a year now and have come to realize a thing or two during my time immersed in the cube.

First, I don't want to wake up five years from now and still be doing the same thing I'm doing now. In fact that's my number one fear and it's awoken me several times in the middle of night. I love my job and my coworkers, but I can't help feeling I'm here for something more than excel modeling and financial forecasting. Another country and adventure beckons, the only challenge is finding a way to finance this. I'm thinking book deal, peace corps, or shameless sale of my body...though that's more for me than the financing.

Second, some people are inherently bad. I don't mean murderous, I just mean indecent people without empathy, concern, or understanding for those unlike themselves. There are people so absorbed with themselves that a dying man begging for help would only be seen as a bloody inconvenience...for some reason I'm reminded of my ex wife.

Third, I've started thinking about drinking all the time. Back in college, usually I did actually just drink all the time, but now with at least 60 of my waking hours accounted for during the week and reserved for wrenching sobriety I have much less spare time to just relax and enjoy the wonders of a beverage alcoholic. The only, thing that calms me down when I think about this is the nice, cold glass of Jim Beam...shit I'm out.