Theres a little bit of a rumor goin around the dozen or half dozen of you that have accidentally read this blog that I’m only funny in lists. Well I got news for you, you’re fucking right and to confirm that here is a list of why I’m better than you:
1. You actually waste your time reading the shit that I write.
2. I’m not addicted to drugs, you’re in your second stint of rehab.
3. I’m filthy rich and I feel fucking great about it.
4. You have no friends, I have hundreds…check facebook if you don’t believe me.
5. I live in an apartment with a magnificent view of the NYC skyline.
6. I’m me.
7. You’re not.
8. Your lover dumped you because you are sexually inadequate, I’ve been described as barely adequate…beat that.
9. I’m American you terrorist.
10. I live at a Holiday Inn Express.
11. Seriously you can’t have a good life if you’re still reading this list.
12. I drowned the sting ray that killed Steve Irwin.
13. I can fake my orgasms…convincingly.
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