An Ode to the War on Terrorism

The War on Terrorism has engulfed much of the focus of America under our esteemed leader George W. Bush, yet some clueless Americans fail to register its overall scale and the importance of the battles we wage. Thus to draw the battle lines more clearly I will be defining it as straightforward as possible.

Terrorism can be defined as: anything that endangers or threatens America.

This definition is simple enough, however there is a further sub definition needed for those who do not completely comprehend the ideals of the America we live in. Thus it becomes necessary to define what should be considered a “threat to America”

Threats to America include: there are gays who evilly ignore our Christian and humanitarian ideals of love between only an old man and a bored woman, pro choice women who think they have the right to do what they want with their bodies, liberals who only know how to spread evil ideas of acceptance and tolerance and have obviously never read the bible, women who for some reason are beginning to think they have a voice and a place of meaning in society, anyone who doesn’t think George W. Bush should be given as many more terms as it takes to defeat terrorism and instill the wrath of God on those Islamic savages, Jews who don’t believe in Jesus, Al Gore who makes up stuff about the environment, Mexicans who endanger America by trying to secure a better life for themselves within the borders that we originally stole from them, alternate forms of fuel, pirates of the Caribbean who raid our coast, Borat the movie, democratic senators trying to pose as republicans while they molest young children, Lindsay Lohan, and of course the Euro…mullet.

All of these things pose an immediate threat to the well being of America and its citizens and unless we stop them with the wrath of our almighty heterosexual, Christian, republican God we will succumb to evils not seen since the Dark Ages healed those evils with the Crusades. The way you to stop them has already been presented to us, we must light them on fire with democracy and napalm, bombard them with Christianity and air strikes, torment them with American ideals and oppression, and suffocate them with freedom and blankets. This is our arsenal and to fully defeat the enemies of America it must be exhausted.

President Bush I fully support you through your incomprehensible diction and seemingly contradictory agenda. Deep down, in the place that Congressman Foley used to talk about, I know this is all a ploy to confuse and confound your enemies while you devise a much larger assault on the rest of the world. We’ll see whose laughing when America conquers the middle east and controls the oil fields…I mean stops terrorism.
All Hail Bush!