The dreaded Job Search

There may not be a more degrading or stressful experience than the job search. Men and woman will shamelessly throw themselves at potential employers like drunk girls at Mardi Gras and that interviewer has plenty of beads. I'm at a point of my life where I'm beginning my first real job search. You know the kind, the ones with the resumes, the cover letters, the suits, the interviewers with the tough questions, and you with all the wrong answers. I've come to the conclusion that in these job searches it stops being acceptable to be yourself. Sure they tell you to show your "better qualities" and "express yourself" but what you're really suppose to do is be like everyone else. I swear to God I do not believe that 95% of the people looking for jobs believe that their greatest " weakness" is that they "work too hard" or are "too competetive." This type of meaningless bullshit makes me want to throw up all over the suit that I'm wearing for only the second time in my life. Unfortunately it seems as though the most high profile jobs require a soulless ability to bullshit your way into and out of anything. It's too bad our own president wasn't well versed on this skill. Imagine the difference if he could back up his policies in Iraq with lines like "I'm a tireless worker that pays attention to detail and have no doubt I can resovle this conflict as soon as physically possible" instead of stuttering around a microphone looking for the slightest hint of a friendly face and hesitantly asking people for support of yet anouther influx of troops into the political black hole that is Iraq. But, alas, I've digressed from my point the godlessness of a job search. The stress inflicted upon an individual having to dance around like a circus act trying to impress anyone he can persuade to listen is only less than the stress sufferred by someone who puts himself through these disgraceful dances and returns empty handed knowing that he sold his soul for nothing in return. As I write this I am packing up my own soul into a delightful gift basket and preparing to send it out along with my resume and cover letters. If anyone reading this has available summer internships in New York please hire me. I'm a motivated, dedicated, hard working, positive, dependable, responsible, smart, confident, driven, excited, and high pressure performer who will serve you well. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Matt

ps. I'm serious about that hiring shit, I need a job...you can visit my website at www.mattneedsajob.org