Classless Act

Amid a random bout of wallowing in my own very deep lake of self pity I accidentally came across an article that lifted me out of my depressing malaise with a rocket of anger and disgust. This was an article in the Wall Street Journal (yes I read it from time to time; no it’s not my subscription) entitled “The Right to Dry: A Green Movement Is Roiling America.” I don’t know what it was about this title that led me to stumble upon the article’s words as I usually just pass over the titles looking for anything that might catch my eye. However, I soon learned that some rogue resident of an upstanding, wealthy neighborhood decided on a whim (or perhaps with a demon whispering in her ear) to dry her clothes outside…on a close line! I still vividly remember gasping in shock and horror at the ugliness this must have presented in this innocent community. For those of you that have failed to grasp the obvious significance of this intolerable display of penury I implore you to image this scenario. What if some unsuspecting potential home owner passing by were to catch a glimpse of such a monstrosity as a close line? I tell you that they would revert in horror at the undeniable sign that these million dollar estates were in fact slums reeking of ghetto trash and danger. How could anyone have missed such an obvious consequence of this rash act? Apparently Susan Taylor failed to consider this as she selfishly began to hang her wet clothes upon that ominous line tied to the tall oak in her yard. Additionally, when pushed to explain her seemingly harmless action the owner of the audacious close line calmly explained how it saved power and electricity and in that way was reducing some of the waste that has led to global warming. But what about the millionaires I ask this clearly misguided woman? Well, the esteemed Journal was able to elicit some responses from the victims in this “crime.” Interior Designer and Matt-proclaimed douche bag, Joan Grundeman states that, “this bombards the senses. It can’t possibly increase property values and make people think this is a nice neighborhood.” My God, what if this spreads? Pretty soon people will be confusing the dirty, dangerous, destitute homes of the diseased poverty stricken poor with the multi millionaire fashion enthusiasts and golf club pros. When the clear line between poverty and safety, poor and healthy, ghetto and clean break down then what are we left with? It is these divisions, these class partitions that form the base of what America stands for. Without these we might as well be in Iraq. So for those of you foot soldiers like our dear Joan Grundeman fighting for all of us out there who desperately want the property value of our third home to stay up and want to keep that inner city trash culture out of our neighborhoods and away from our overindulged kids I pray you keep up your noble pursuit. And for those of you shameless enough to actually put up a device that not only saves power, but requires additional labor that you don’t even let your maid do…please take it back if only for freedom. Because we are a free people, but if people are free to dry clothes in this way, then what’s next, will we let our neighbors be seen mowing their own lawns? Please join the good fight by registering against this and similar heinous acts at www.iamadouchebag.com Until then I wish you all the best.