To An Audience of One

Few people read this blog. Because so few people read this blog I tend to pander to the ones that do. So when a regular follower requests an entry in her name I feel compelled to deliver.

For those of you unfamiliar with the kingdom of Bengalia, it’s a small wretched land between our sewer system and hell. The person to whom this entry is dedicated is from there. At times I’m stunned at her inexplicable lapses in decency and common morality; but I have to remind myself that she’s from a place where those things don’t exist. So when she casually rapes a four legged animal (crawling babies included) to when she sells opium to senior citizens convincing them its arthritis medicine I have to look the other way because I mean that’s what friends are for. Yes, I admit it; I am friends with this person.

I’m friends with her because despite all her shortcomings for which there are many there are also her long Cummings…did I mention she appreciates a vulgar sense of humor? Really though, she has demonstrated an impressive ability to “be there” for me during my many over exaggerated moments of duress when my whining reaches maximum capacity and my proclivity towards self deprecation and self desoberazation achieves unfathomable lows. She genuinely believes some very nice things about me to be true. For instance she recently said that despite being a lawn mowing Mexican I am a really nice guy. If that’s not sincere I don’t know what is. Not to say that I do know sincere, considering my recent forays into trust have only served to prove I’m a shitty judge of character. However, I’ve seen no reason not to trust this milk chocolate colored lust being. I only hope that should she ever need it I can be there in the same way she’s been there for me…to offer a lewd joke at her expense and to degrade her entire race with egregious political incorrectness. You’ve been a dear and valuable friend and all of your attention is much appreciated almost as appreciated as those carpets your mom made for me, which don’t even compare to the raw, sweaty, passionate …lets just say I’ve grown quite fond of your mom and I think I will continue to GROW fond of her over and over again.